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The Prime Minister held a press conference yesterday to update us all on the Iran war and to confirm that we’re still not in it. That’s Keir Starmer’s most valued line these days; that this isn’t our war and we’re not involved.
However, despite our declared neutrality, Starmer had to concede that “the impact of this war will affect the future of our country.” As travellers doubtless stopped in train stations to stare up at the screens, labourers huddled around radio sets and WFHers sat glued to the news, they may have expected the Prime Minister to announce a policy or two in response to this dramatic state of affairs. Instead, we were treated to a local election campaign event dressed up as an emergency address to the nation.
“Today, if you need a prescription, instead of rising as they used to, the price will be frozen for a year.” He went on to trumpet an increase in the minimum wage, the end of the two-child benefit cap and the rollout of new workers’ rights. And then the masterstroke: “Some people may say, this isn’t new, this was already planned – to which I say, yes, that is my point.”
Don’t you see? All this new employment red tape and higher welfare spending was planned in anticipation of exactly the kind of global energy crisis the world now faces.
Speaking of energy, Starmer also thought it was a good opportunity to remind everyone that he doesn’t approve of energy companies: “We campaigned for a windfall tax on oil and gas companies, which we extended.” With those dastardly energy companies duly taxed, Starmer was able to reassure the country that “no matter how fierce the storm, we are well placed to weather it.”
He must have missed the helpful memos from the OECD and IMF that said the opposite, but perhaps he hopes to carry the country through the storm with nothing more than stirring rhetoric, such as “we are working at pace for de-escalation” – as Churchill himself must have once said.
And in case you detect from my tone that I didn’t make much of this speech, I should at least recognise that the PM pulled one large weapon from his armoury when discussing the challenge of reopening the heavily mined Strait of Hormuz: “Today I can announce that later this week the Foreign Secretary will host a meeting.”
Take that, Tehran.